MY peace & quiet.

There’s a quiet kind of panic that creeps in when you hit a certain point in life.

It doesn’t announce itself loudly. It shows up slowly….through comparison, through conversations, through scrolling past lives that seem neatly tied together.

You start to notice how many people your age appear settled. Married. Established. Certain.

And you find yourself wondering, Why do I feel like I’m behind?

You start asking hard questions:

Did I miss something?

Did I make a wrong turn somewhere along the way?

Is there a timeline I was supposed to follow more carefully?

We grow up believing there’s an order to life.

Marriage by a certain age.

Kids shortly after.

Stability. Permanence.

A neat, predictable progression.

But what happens when you follow that order… and fifteen years later, everything still changes?

I have been married.

And now, after many years, facing some changes, hard decisions and hard conversations.

That alone seems to invite opinions.

Assumptions.

Conversations I’m not present for.

And I know people talk.

I know some people believe they understand my life based on pieces they’ve seen or stories they’ve heard. I also know that not every chapter of my life is meant for public consumption. Some things are personal. Some things are sacred. Some things belong only to me, my children, and God.

What I do want to say is this:

I am not starting over.

I am becoming.

There’s a difference between the two.

Starting over implies failure,..like everything before this was wasted.

Becoming recognizes growth, awareness, and the courage to change when staying the same no longer fits.

This season of life has forced me to look inward in ways I never had before. It has shown me how many wounds I carried quietly for years….scars from childhood, from loss, from grief I never fully processed, from expectations I tried to live up to instead of listening to myself.

Sometimes you don’t realize how much you’ve been surviving until you finally stop.

Right now, my focus is simple and intentional: me and my kids.

Not explaining myself.

Not defending my decisions.

Not comparing my life to anyone else’s timeline.

I truly wish others well. I hope people find happiness, stability, and fulfillment wherever they are in life. But I’ve learned that comparison robs peace…and peace is something I’m no longer willing to sacrifice.

Some people may think poorly of me.

Some may misunderstand me completely.

And that’s okay.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but not everyone is entitled to my story. I’m not interested in convincing anyone of my worth or rewriting narratives that were never mine to control.

I am not perfect.

I am not above anyone else.

I am human.

And in this season, I’ve made a very deliberate choice:

To get quiet.

To pray.

And to listen.

Not to the noise.

Not to the commentary.

But to God. To my heart. To the lessons this season is teaching me.

Maybe there isn’t a universal timeline after all.

Maybe life isn’t about getting it “right” the first time.

Maybe it’s about becoming honest, aware, and brave enough to choose peace when everything else feels loud.

I’m not behind.

I’m not broken.

I’m becoming someone more grounded, more healed, and more at peace than I’ve ever been before.

And for now, that’s more than enough